if you know anything about me, im a guarded person. im not in any way emotional, about anything. i cant say ive lived a hard life to make me this way, ive just always been detatched from reality. life, to me , consists of always waiting for the next let down, or failure. i recently told someone "i cant be held down by the restraints of conventional society". albeit in jest, i think its really true. im not satisfied with the norm, i never have been and thats whats hardest for me in life. as soon as i begin to sink into normalcy and start to get stagnant i have to move on. i dont know why, i dont understand it, this is just how i am. im sure no one even care about any of this shit, as they shouldnt, because it in no way affects their lives. im just kinda of trying to get somethings out, and the best way for me to communicate this stuff is by writing it. take it as you will.
i went to my cousins 25th birthday today, she's engaged. my other cousin, her brother, is 29 or 30 and he's engaged also. for a second i was like, "should i be doing this too?" but i was quickly snapped back to my normal way of thinking that told me "fuck that". everyone i know thats been married is divorced or seperated or something like that. just a bunch of bullshit no one needs. i dont even know where im going with all this.